I was at Mel’s Diner today enjoying bottomless cups of coffee and traditional breakfast fare. I was doing a bit of writing and was keeping to myself – but couldn’t help but notice a dude at the breakfast bar who was dresses head to toe in camouflage.

It was quite hot out today and the guy had on camo pants, camo jacket, camo backpack, camo jungle hat and green/black boots to tie the whole outfit together. The guy was about 60, with a grey beard and looked like a massive Danny Glover. He was tall, barrel chested and had a very gentle face.

After a brief conversation with his waiter, the man got up and relocated himself beside a table-top juke box. He threw in a bunch of money and began selecting the prettiest 50’s ballads you ever did here. As the love songs from yesteryear chimed in the background I continued to write, drank even more coffee, and ordered some apple pie to extend my stay.

A great afternoon of writing and dining was had, with thanks to the mysterious ballad warrior.

It looks like a teen hired a bunch of goons to kill his mom, in order to reap money from her insurance policy. He planned to sell his mothers car and use the money in her bank account to fund breast augmentation surgery for his girlfriend. We get this crazy scoop from CNN:

A Colorado teenager hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend, police said.

Nikita Lee Weis, 18, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder, said Fountain Deputy Police Chief Mike Barnett.

Weis’ mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked Thursday with a small wooden baseball bat at her home but escaped, authorities said. She was released Friday from a hospital.

His girlfriend, Sophia Nicole Alsept, and two men police said he hired, Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez, 18, and Brandon Michael Soroka, 19, were also arrested on the charge of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.

1) That mother certainly is questioning the way she raised her son right now.

2) Fake Tits are awesome – but this is outlandish!

3) This is a situation where the mother should never talk to the son again.

4) This is one helluva news story.

I went for a walk this evening and was thinking about grabbing take out from the Indian Food restaurant around the corner, but it was closed. Like a beacon from the heavens I saw the 7-11 sign down the street and decided to answer the call.

I partook of the Cheeseburger Hot Dog. It was everything I like about cheeseburgers – but in a convenient hot dog format. The bun was warm and moist and the meat was succulent. The only down side to the hot dog was the amount of salt needed to preserve it for 1000 years. Other than that, it was an enjoyable convenient store meal for the reasonable price of $1.99.

I like to judge hot dogs without any toppings as to enjoy the true deliciousness of the wiener. The gracious 7-11 salesman was nice enough to ask if I wanted ketchup however to which I replied “No thank you, no toppings, I’m going to eat outside as I loiter.”

As I stooped it up, I expected some normal “hey faggot – eat that hot dog at home” or the popular “fuck you” yelled from cars at my direction as I enjoyed the dog. The passers by seemed interested, but not insulted as a grown man ate a delectable meat tube within their range of vision. Gentlemen still live on earth tonight.

Overall the experience was fantastic and I recommend you try the cheeseburger hot dog yourself, and share your thoughts with me.

My buddy Poultor showed a group of us this amazing video one weekend, and my life has been better for it.

I try my best to watch this every day. I often forget, but when I remember; it’s very rewarding.

I was looking forward to the first one on one debate this Friday between McCain and Obama. Grabbing any excuse he could to ditch the debate, McCain has chosen the current financial crisis as a scapegoat.

He was also scheduled to be on Letterman and canceled last minute.

It is a bad idea to piss off most people, It is a horrible Idea to piss off David Letterman. Check out this You Tube Video.

I couldn’t believe this video when I saw it on I Was Ben You can’t make this shit up.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it – Proverbs 22:6

For my entire lived experience I have been sans cardigan; and that is about to change.

A few months ago I developed a strong, unnatural desire to own a cardigan. Perhaps I was possessed by the spirit of Kurt Cobain, but who can know the source of such urges. After doing much browsing and research on the topic of cardigans, I finally settled on a model and have ordered it. I won some money playing poker the other night, and today the Pleasure Witch suggested I spend some of the winnings on a cardigan. The fates have confirmed the choice I must make through her precious mouth!

It shall be a blessed shawl of luck. So let it be written; so let it be done.

I have always been a Cool Ranch man. I remember the year the flavor came out, it changed my feelings on Doritos forever. Before Cool Ranch Doritos, I used to prefer these big “welfare” bags of cheesy Doritos imitation chips. I liked them because the chips were extra cheesy and there was a picture of Garield on the bag wearing a sombrero, poncho and holding maracas.

My cat Nitro used to climb into the bag if we left it unattended and would eat the fuck out of those chips. We found this so funny that we would let him have the chips and his tail could be seen wagging out of the bag as he carved out the bounty with his maw. My mother would often say “nitro get out of the bag”, with a chuckle, My brother and I would tell her to leave him be and continued playing nintendo.

After Nitro left due to injuries sustained in battle I pretty much just started eating Cool Ranch. Like Nitro the Garfield chips are no longer with us. If they were, I would still have a bag on occasion in memory of him, and see if my new cats also enjoy his favorite dinner.

The Prime Minister of Canada came to my hometown this Wednesday.

Welland has been losing good paying manufacturing jobs since I was a child. In recent history however, this trend has been in free fall. The John Deere factory recently let its 800 employees know that its doors would be closing. Just yesterday I was told that Henniges Automotive will cut more than 200 jobs before Christmas.

This is a big deal for a city of 50 000. Welland is getting its chest hit with death blows, morale is low and the city’s in danger of becoming a ghost town.

With this in mind you would think that our leader surely would use his visit to comfort the hard working people of the Rose City with promises of aid and a strategy of retraining Ontario’s workforce. Well, he didn’t. Instead he talked tough about flavored tobacco wraps and how they may appeal to children. He answered one Rose City reporter’s question about the job losses and gave this flippant bullshit answer:

“I know it’s tough for some people, but it’s not all doom and gloom. We have to stay the course,”.

No Mr. Harper, it is doom and gloom for the people of Welland, because they can’t properly provide for their children, because they cant find quality work and have to take call center jobs for 9 dollars an hour because they have no other option (other than moving to Alberta). Staying the course in Welland is working for nothing at a job you hate till you die. It is easy for you to say Harper, but staying the course sucks!

The only way people get by is by smoking their beloved marijuana!

That’s right. Welland loves marijuana. Oddly enough, the flavored tobacco wraps Mr. Harper is talking about restricting are used for just that. So not only does this fucking asshole come into dodge and ignore the #1 question on peoples minds, but now he says hes going to take away the wraps that Wellanders use to smoke Marijuana. Bad Move fuck-tard. The next time you want to give a speech about banning marijuana wraps – you may want to go to an area that agrees with you.

I thought this guy has been suspect for some time, but this publicity stunt removes all doubt. This guy has no concern or respect for the people he leads and only seeks to push his own agenda forward. The people of Welland at least deserved some feel good bullshit and he didn’t even have the political where with all to say something motivational.

This man has zero fucking class and is a failure as a leader.

I received my new Badger brush today. It is an exact replacement of the one my buddy’s Bill and Frito gave me for my 30th birthday. My first replacement from The Art Of Shaving company was a huge letdown. It was a floppy brush, and it angered me after my face tasted proper Badger quality.

Instead of the normal Nomad shaving cream (which is great), I opted for the shaving soap. The shaving soap also lathers up well but isn’t nearly as thick as the cream and I think it makes for a better shave. To compliment the shaving soap I also got the Nomad aftershave balm, and it did the job nicely. After a trial run no tick, abrasions or ingrown hairs are to be found. So far so good.

The products of Crabtree & Evelyn are fantastic and I would reccomend them to anyone.

If Mrs. Palin was innocent of her crimes, she would co-operate with authorities. Instead she is blaming Democrats for “tainting the investigation”. Classy. She used her position of power as Governor to pressure her brother in law, now she is using it to avoid investigation – what’ s going to happen if she becomes Vice President?

This woman went and got pregnant at the age of 44 (possibly 43 at the time of conception). Every woman knows that when you are in your 40’s your chances of having a child with a learning disorder increase DRAMATICALLY. So instead of staying put at just 4 children, she goes for 5 like an irresponsible idiot and SURPRISE !? gives birth to a child that has down syndrome.

As per wikipedia: Maternal age influences the chances of conceiving a baby with Down syndrome. At maternal age 20 to 24, the probability is one in 1562; at age 35 to 39 the probability is one in 214, and above age 45 the probability is one in 19.[14] Although the probability increases with maternal age, 80% of children with Down syndrome are born to women under the age of 35,[15] reflecting the overall fertility of that age group. Recent data also suggest that paternal age, especially beyond 42,[16] also increases the risk of Down Syndrome manifesting in pregnancies in older mothers.[17]

Sarah Palin’ s child is not the target of my ire in any way shape or form. I only bring up her poor reproductive decisions because she might be making a lot of very important ones soon. Palin can’t make responsible decisions regarding her vagina, how THE FUCK does anyone expect her to make quality decisions on behalf of the most powerful nation on earth?

Her addition to the ticket has made my faith in the American political system fall to an unsettling new low. If McCain wins, I will forever wonder if democracy itself was a mistake. McCain makes Bush look like Solomon.

I wouldn’t count out a Republican monster truck sponsorship at this point – wait for it. Wait for it.

Oh, and if Republicans wanted change, Ron Paul would be running against Obama.

Robert G. Ingersol – I am glad you are not alive to see this day.

The Brian Wilson concert was amazing the other night, but the Hollywood Bowl stole the show. The sound, lighting effects and just overall vibe of the venue made it one of the greatest concerts I have been to.

The LA philharmonic opened the show and it blended perfectly with Wilson’s California sound.

That night was about as Cali as you get.